There is a story behind this post. I wrote this about the evening I had before my dad passed away. It was a mundane evening, but one that made me so purely happy. That same night when I couldn’t fall asleep I picked up my computer and began to type. I had no idea at the time what was coming for me the following day. The 180 from joy to utter grief has been one piece of the puzzle that has made healing so complex. As you read my words, I hope that you can feel the simple perfection of the moment. If I close my eyes and watch the scene play out I feel like I’m almost there.
It’s a Thursday evening, and I’m sitting at the kitchen table listening to my parents talk about their day. As my dad laughs and my mom reaches down to pet the dog, I stop to soak in how nice it all feels. This moment is simple, but the peace it brings is not lost on me. My dad begins gesturing with his hands as he starts to tell us a story, and I smile because I can tell he is in his element. A man of so few words, when he speaks with passion it’s impossible not to pay attention. He’s telling us about an old friend of his from childhood, and the nostalgia lights up his whole face.
I am captivated, the way I always am when he shares a page from the story of his life. I want to remember this tale forever. I want to write it down amongst all the other tales he’s told, so I can relive it over and over again. Sometimes I kick myself for being a self absorbed teenager who didn’t care to hear these because I had better things to do. But life woke me up just in the nick of time, and I’m more alive and cognizant than ever.
While my dad continues to weave his story, I glance at my mom who is soaking in his words with the biggest smile. She cocks her head back and lets out a belly laugh as he throws in a witty comment. Always a jokester. No matter the kind of bad day either of us had, we could always count on my dad to fill it with his special brand of humor. And for that moment, everything else disappears, and things feel like they will be okay. Right now everything is okay. Better than okay. In fact it’s just right; just mundane enough to remind me that I’m lucky for its existence.
There’s is an electricity in the air that’s palpable from a mile away. And it’s coming from me. It’s a current that’s emitting a spark of joy, of thankfulness, and of strength. Not so long ago this simple moment was a pipe dream. Spending a whole day working then having the energy to sit around a kitchen table at 8pm laughing about the day was a fairytale I used to dream about. Yet here I am.
I love how peaceful this feels, and I don’t need much more from life. Just give me this forever; small moments filled with big joy, surrounded by the people who hold my heart. I do not want for more. I am content here in my happiest place. I will continue to capture and collect these snapshots of freedom no matter how monotonous they may seem. Because this is my safety, and my God am I grateful for it.