Welcome to my corner of the world.
If you already know me from my blog, then hello again and welcome :)
If you are new to me, I’d like to briefly introduce my background & why I’m here..
In 2006 I was a normal healthy happy 17 year old, when one day I suddenly came down with an illness. After that it took 5 years for me to receive a diagnosis of Neuroborreliosis, and by that time it had spread to my neurological system and I was very ill. What followed was more than 8 years of being completely bed-bound while receiving non-stop treatments, another year spent 50% bed bound, and then a slow but steady climb to normalcy. Or at least, my version of normalcy. The time I spent bed-bound felt like I was in a haze - the constant pain and looming fears of death hung around me like a thundercloud. I didn’t even know who I was during that time, because everything felt masked by this overwhelming sense of panic and anxiety. Every minute of every day I was in fight or flight mode - trying to manage one unmanageable pain or another. It was hard to imagine a life outside of the 4 walls I lived in, and yet I had to tell myself it was possible so I could keep hanging on.
As I began to climb out of it, I felt like someone picked me up and put me in a completely different world. So much has changed in the last 10 years, and although I was “here” for it, I wasn’t really here. There has been so much going on in my head for a long time, which I wrote about but never published. This will be a space for works, old and new. It will have vibes similar to a blog or a letter - sometimes just a stream of consciousness. Occasionally I will post short audio podcasts like this, but mostly it will all be written word. This space is for me to talk more about my inner thoughts around topics such as grief, chronic illness, mental health, and what it’s like to integrate back into a normal life after living through my personal hell. Anyone who has gone through any kind of illness, trauma, or life change will find themselves relating to much of what I write.
During my illness I started a blog, Lady of Lyme. It was a place which included treatment logs (for other patients to follow along the symptoms & side effects of various treatments), and medical/educational posts about various conditions and diseases. The site served as a clean and easy place to maneuver for patients who wanted information. It’s still up and running, and it won’t change. But this Substack will be different; it will be another side of me that I don’t include on my blog. I guess you could say it’s a more personal side, but I’d like to call it more emotional based versus my blog which is science based. They are two sides of one coin. The purpose for being on Substack is mostly privacy. I like that I can put my more personal posts behind a privacy wall, and that it will create a safe little community for others to comment and interact without the whole Internet seeing it.
My blog gets more than 1,000,000 readers each year, and that’s because it is a hub of information for many people who struggle with their health. But with this Substack I could have 5 readers, or 500 readers, and I would be equally happy. All I want is a space to write, and if anyone wants to come along for the ride, I welcome you with open arms :) Click the “Subscribe” button at the top to join! It is totally free to sign up, you do not need to pay to access the public posts and content. The private posts however will be behind a $5/mo paywall, and the reason for that is so I can comfortably post my inner most thoughts (hence the title), and those who comment from the community can feel comfortable knowing that it isn’t available for the whole Internet to see. The whole purpose of this Substack is for me to share the writing I haven’t wanted to put out in a public manner; so while 2-3 posts a month will be free, the bulk of the personal posts won’t be. I hope you join me in whichever capacity you choose!
I won’t know who my subscribers are unless you comment on my posts and interact. So, feel free to join and read quietly, I don’t mind at all! You are not required to contribute. You can silently read from the sidelines or speak up and interact with me personally; either option works and I am equally happy to have you!
-Christina
Inner Thoughts - Intro